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According to Grow Law Firm, 73% of marriages end in divorce because of a lack of commitment. Pew Research Data says twice as many women are seeking commitment as men.
The statistics do not look good for men. They are often asked about their lack of interest in serious relationships, and the numbers, unfortunately, support this claim. For women looking for long-term partners, it’s best to understand what men need to commit to in relationships.
What are they?
Understanding the Things Men Need to Commit in Relationships
Saving a marriage during tough times is an effort and decision that needs to be made by both men and women. This way, the relationship won’t tip to one side—due to the inequality of effort—which may contribute to a capsized and, ultimately, a sunken connection.
But what do guys need to commit, and should women do anything to influence his decision?
This whole discussion might raise some eyebrows, especially from women who feel it rubs off wrong to tell them they need to convince men to commit. However, this isn’t some fanciful agenda to get women “back into the kitchen” or make them submissive.
Instead, it is the truth; just as women want to feel secure in relationships, men do, too.
Sure, women’s behaviors won’t change a thing if the man is serially non-committing—there’s just no saving that. But what she can do is understand the things men need to commit in relationships, act on them, and influence their decisions by contributing evident effort to building a fulfilling relationship.
What needs to be done? John A. Gehrisch’s relationship book, The Golf Pro Has Heart, offers some foolproof suggestions.
Ways to Influence Commitment in Men
Molded after his parents and other unique couples who have spent 50 years in fulfilling relationships, The Golf Pro Has Heart does offer some weighty advice. In one of the chapters in his book, John A. Gehrisch talks about how identifying the benefits of the decision (in this case, the relationship) will make commitment come more easily.
Why is this significant?
It’s as simple as encouraging women to be more open, appreciative, and evident in their love for their partners. To truly understand the things men need to commit in relationships, women must first consider answering this question.
“What do men need the most in a relationship?”
Is it intimacy?
Money?
Like women, men who are also looking for fulfilling relationships need security the most. They don’t want half-baked affection or feelings. They want to feel that the woman they’re with is as present and “all-in” in the relationship as them.
And John A. Gehrisch has, likewise, enumerated ways for women to show these.
Respect and Appreciation
“One of the most important things is the man must feel appreciated and admired by others. This becomes especially critical from the woman in his life.”
– John A. Gehrisch.
No matter how they deny or hide it, men love to be appreciated. Men are seen as powerful and able, which often has more downsides than the contrary. One of which is that they’re typically left to fend for themselves. This leaves them feeling unseen and unappreciated. So, as their partners, women need to shower them with this, and men will be very satisfied when they do.
“Acknowledge anything he does well and be sincere. You will find there are many things if you just look for them. I think you will find things he does everyday that you overlook in everyday life.”
– John A. Gehrisch.
Genuine Interest in Them
Now, one might ask, isn’t the relationship already enough proof that women are interested in their partners? What else is there left to do?
When it comes to the things men need to commit in relationships, maintaining the connection isn’t only about not breaking up. Instead, there must be constant and genuine evidence of interest for each other. This means being equally passionate about their passions and invested in the things they like.
“The second thing that I suggest is to spend time with him doing things “he” enjoys doing. Usually these involve some sport or recreational thing. Playing a sport, going to a game, or going camping…”
– John A. Gehrisch.
What a man wants the most is someone he can be himself with, someone who is as much his best friend as his lover. He wants someone who wants to share and live his life with him.
Initiative to Keep the Love
Effort is typically associated with “men.” They’re expected to do the hard work. “If he wants to, he will,” but has anybody ever asked the other side? As John A. Gehrisch mentioned, both men and women must put in the effort to maintain passion in relationships. This means that women must also put in the effort to initiate dates or activities that will keep the relationship alive.
“You fell in love for a reason. Don’t lose that. When we fall in love, it is supposed to only be the foundation on which we build a tall building that becomes our lifetime relationship.”
– John A. Gehrisch.
Acknowledgement and Support
One of the most important things men need to commit in relationships is the feeling of being respected and heard. Aside from being seen, men love to feel that their words have value to their partner. This can equal emotional vulnerability, which is a tough space for them to hold. Women don’t always have to follow what men say. But at least consider their advice and listen to their perspectives.
“If you always try to have the last word instead of thanking him for sharing his feelings or thoughts, he will also feel you do not value his advice.”
One Key to Successful Relationships: Equal Effort
When society paints men as noncommittal in relationships, this creates misconceptions about how fulfilling relationships are built. Often, this gives some women the idea that men are inherently unwilling to settle down. Hence, the moment the relationship dips towards rougher paths, it becomes easier for them to quit and seek someone better.
While there’s value in letting go at certain times, this doesn’t necessarily guarantee that the next partner would be willing to settle. This is why John A. Gehrisch, in his relationship book, has emphasized how relationships require effort. They don’t just happen.
Ultimately, couples need to do some work.
“Longevity, in most marriages, is directly proportional to the work put in together… Do not be a quitter like the majority today. Do not destroy your marriage, rather work on your relationship with your partner. Make the effort needed to rebuild a happy life with your partner.” – John A. Gehrisch.
Saving a marriage during tough times should be an effort both sides are willing to make. This means men need to put in work, and, at the same time, women shouldn’t immediately blame failure on men’s lack of commitment. Instead, they might also consider introspecting and seeing if they’ve met and accomplished the things men need to commit to in relationships.
Want more meaningful advice about relationships?
Grab a copy of John A. Gehrisch’s The Golf Pro Has Heart. The suggestions he’s written are based on unique couples who spent their lives together for 50 or more years. Who else should couples listen to for their relationships than those who have succeeded?
